The Legislacerator Demands Justice
by andiii
Summary: Terezi and Dave get into a scuffle over justice, which ends with a lesson in affection. T for Dave's language.


There was chalk everywhere, chalk of every color. It was a mother fuckin' variegation of chalk colors in Can Town. But no red. The red was used only on special occasions (i.e., never). Despite the lack of red, their town was, in Dave's opinion, a god damn masterpiece. The outline of the can sky scrapers stood majestically against the cardboard sunset; city hall stood tall in the glow of Serenity's butt; the Sweet Bros and Hella Jeffs of Can Town had gathered in Can Park to meet and make peace with the Scalemate plushies from Box City. They drank much Faygo to celebrate the joyous occasion.

Currently, their can supply - *ahem*, their _building supplies_ were running low, so Dave, Terezi, and the Mayor had split up to look for more cans and boxes. Dave had just returned from his mission to find more construction material. His enchanted pajamas were coated with dust from the chalk, and at this particular moment, he was wondering what to do about it. Maybe he shouldn't worry about it. Being cool means not worrying about small shit like chalk dust on your magic PJs, and he is nothing if not extremely cool. And they were enchanted, after all; they would probably just clean themselves.

Terezi walked in while he was inspecting his clothes. She set a box filled with cans down next to Can Town Mall.

"Is the Mayor back yet?" she asked.

Dave shook his head. "No, but you know how the Mayor is. Always getting lost in this laboratory like it's a fucking labryinth, when it's not even that complex."

"Well," said Terezi, "he has Serenity. She can lead him back, so we don't need to worry about him."

"I'm not worried."

"I know, Dave," Terezi said, grinning. "Because you're cool, right?"

He couldn't tell if she was being facetious or sincere. It was hard to tell with her sometimes. But, to reiterate, Dave Strider is **COOL**, so that fact in no way bothered him.

She sat down in Can Town and began sniffing. "Ah," she sighed between sniffs. "This town is like a bouqet of decadence to the senses. Are you smelling this, Dave? Doesn't this smell awesome?"

"It LOOKS pretty awesome, that's for damn sure," he said as he walked towards Terezi. "It seems like we have enough cans to begin construction on the memorial site for the Great War of Containment Vessels." He bowed his head in reverence at the mention of the war. "So many Sweet Bros and Hella Jeffs gave their lives that day."

"So many Scalemates' lives were tragically shortened," Terezi added.

"It's about time the deaths on both sides were honored," Dave finished. "We should draw up some designs while we wait for the Mayor to get back."

"Yeah, about the memorial site..." Terezi stood up and clasped her hands together in front of her.

"What is it?" Dave asked. She was fidgeting now. Why was she being fidget-y? She never fidgeted. "Do you have some architectural suggestions?"

"Well, I was thinking that on the memorial site, we could build a Justice Center -"

"No way, Terezi. Can Town already has _three_ Justice Halls, plus an outdoor courthouse in the park -"

"But Dave, Box City only has _one_ Justice Hall!"

"Just because me and the Mayor didn't let you go justice crazy all over Box City's ass doesn't mean we're gonna let you throw litigation up all over the memorial site. The memorial site is sacred, Terezi. We need to respect the dead."

"What's more respectable then Justice?! And how do you know the Mayor is against a Justice Center commemorating the war heroes?"

"Because the Mayor isn't a fucking justice-crazy lunatic, that's why."

Terezi clenched her fists and pulled her arms to her side. Dave could feel the glare seething through her red lenses. "Why are you trying to get in the way of justice, Dave?"

"I'm not trying to get in the way of justice," he said, "I'm trying to give the good people of Can Town and Box City what they want, and what they want is a place to pay some damn respect to their friends and family who gave their lives to protect them."

"What better way to pay respect to the dead than by bringing the war criminals who betrayed them to justice on the memorial site?!" Terezi exclaimed. "That is what these people NEED to come to terms with their losses, Dave. If you can't see that, then you are just being unreasonable."

"_I'm_ the one being unreasonable? You're the one who wants to fill the good country of Storage with nothing but Justice Halls and Justice Centers and all kinds of Justice Bullshit."

"I am fulfilling my duty as a future legislacerator!"

"You are fulfilling your duty as a basketcase."

"You know, Dave," Terezi said, crossing her arms. "You smell awfully suspicious. Why are you so against war criminals being brought to justice?"

"I'm not against them being brought to justice," Dave said, "I'm against wasting the space for our memorial site on a whole new institution being built specifically to bring them to justice when there are already at least five other courts their trials could be held in, not counting however many underground courts you had installed behind mine and the mayor's backs."

"If you really understood justice, then you would understand the significance of it taking place on the memorial site!"

"I understand that you've gone batshit. We don't need anymore Justice Centers or Justice Halls or fucking outdoor courthouses. That's that. Now are we gonna take inventory of our building stock or what?" He waited for a reply, but Terezi only glared at him, her arms still crossed.

"If you're not with me, then you're against me, Dave. Am I going to have to bring you to justice, too?"

Dave cocked an eyebrow. "You really think you can take me on? I am literally a god."

"You may be a god, but I have justice on my side!"

At that, she sprang forward. Caught off guard by the impact, Dave fell back. He quickly found himself with his stomach pressed against the ground.

_Damn, she really _does_ have justice on her side._

Terezi was on top of him, her hands pressing down on his shoulders while her knees pinned his arms to the intersection of Robin Egg Blue Avenue and Cerulean Street. He tried to shake her off, but in doing so, his sunglasses slid off his nose and onto Tickle Me Pink Highway. This was definitely not cool.

"Terezi, my shades -"

"Ah," Terezi said as she leaned down. "Something smells different."

"Yeah, you knocked my glasses off -" Dave turned his head as he spoke, but stopped when he saw how close Terezi's face was to his.

"Your eyes," said Terezi.

"Oh, right," Dave said. He felt his skin growing hotter. But they had just been scrimmaging, of course he would feel warm. He was still cool. Nothing to lose his cool over. "You really like the smell of my eyes, right? Hurry up and let go of my arms so I can put my glasses back on. I don't want you enjoying this; not while we're in the middle of a scrimmage."

"But it smells so good, Dave!" Their faces were inches apart - Dave wondered if trolls knew what inches were. They probably had some weird troll form of measuring distances. Maybe this was an acceptable distance between two faces for trolls, but it was making Dave feel things that may or may not have been cool. They certainly weren't ironic. And her gaze from behind her glasses felt as if it were piercing through him, even though her eyes were completely hidden. She moved her knees and released his shoulders, allowing him to roll over.

"Uh, Terezi -"

"Shoosh," she said, papping him on the forehead. "I am sniffing."

Her nose was inching closer and closer to his eyes, and his eyes shut automatically. Before he had even realized they were closed, he felt something warm and wet slide across his left eyelid.

"Terezi, you just licked -"

"Dave, SHOOSH," she said, papping him once again. "And keep your eyes closed."

"Uh -"

"SHOOSH," she commanded. Dave fell silent and laid still as Terezi's tongue traced his eyelids, her nose gliding across the ridge of his brow. "Delicious," she mumbled against his skin.

_Oh, fuck, Dave thought. This is definitely not cool. Or extremely cool. Fuck. Stay cool, Strider. Be cool, dammit._

After several minutes of licking, Terezi pulled away. "Dave," she said, "the more I lick you, the better you smell. Are you doing that on purpose? Do you want me to keep licking you?"

"Dammit, Terezi, what do you expect to happen when you're licking a guy's eyeballs?" Dave said, wiping his eyes off with his sleeve. His outfit seemed to have cleaned itself of chalk dust by itself. _They really are perma-clean, _he thought. Terezi leaned back enough so that Dave could sit up while he wiped at his eyes. "Of course that's gonna get my blood pumping."

"Are you mad that I licked your eyeballs? I can't help it! Dave, they smell incredible -"

"I smell really good, I get it. But sometimes I feel like that's the only reason you hang out with me," Dave said. Ugh, here they were. His uncool insecurities were slipping out. But he couldn't help it, not after all of that eyeball-licking. Terezi's saliva had broken down his defenses. God damn troll spit. "I mean, I know that's why you started trolling me. But is that it? Is that why you spend time with me?"

Terezi looked taken aback at the suggestion. "Dave, I admit, that's what drew me to you at first - but the cool factor is why I continue to hang out with you! You are the coolest, Dave. How many guys could pull off enchanted pajamas? Only one, and that's you, Dave Strider!"

"So you only hang out with me 'cause I can rock these sweet jammies?"

"Yes, precisely," she said, grinning again.

"Ok, cool. That's a good enough reason for me, I guess," said Dave. "As long as my overwhelming stench isn't the sole reason."

"Your marvelous scent is only one on a long list, Dave," Terezi said.

Dave leaned back to find his sunglasses and set them back on his nose.

"Ah, no!" Terezi said. "You put your sunglasses back on, didn't you?! But it smelled so good!"

"It was distracting you," Dave said. "Don't you remember? We were having a discussion."

"We were?" Terezi asked. She jumped in surprise. "Oh yes, about the Justice Center at the memorial site!"

"Or the lack thereof," Dave said.

"Dave, you can't dissuade -"

Before she could finish her sentence, Dave lunged forward and knocked Terezi onto her back. He hovered over her, his hands pinning her wirsts down.

"And THAT's how you bring someone to justice, god-style," said Dave

"Dave," Terezi said quietly, "this is incredibly awkward. Can you please move?" Her cheeks had a slight turqouise hinge to them that darkened as she spoke.

"Terezi, are you - are you blushing? You were just licking my eyelids. How is this any more embarrassing than that?"

"I'm BLIND, Dave!" She said, frowning. "You really don't understand troll culture at all, do you?"

"I understand that troll culture is fucked up, and that's all I need to know."

Terezi groaned. "This sort of behavior is only acceptable to execute on someone who you feel flushed towards! Why else would I lick your eyeballs?"

"Because you're blind?"

"Dave, I am blind, not a weirdo," said Terezi. "Try to be a little more sensitive towards the blind."

"But you just said - forget it," Dave said. "But did you just say that you feel...flushed? Towards me?"

"Oh, uh," Terezi's cheeks turned an even deeper shade of turqouise than before. "I guess I sure did say that thing!"

"Oh," Dave said. "And this is what people on Alternia do towards those that they have red feelings for?"

"Well...Sometimes. There's other stuff involved..."

"Oh." Dave stayed hovering over Terezi for a few more moments, until he spoke again. "Do you want to know how humans express flushed feelings?"

"I think I know how humans do that, Dave -"

"Shoosh," Dave said, papping her on the forehead. "I'm doing a cool thing here."

Before Terezi could reply, Dave leaned down and kissed her. Her lips wer warm and soft, and tasted a bit like chalk, altough Dave didn't mind the taste. she responded earnestly, matching the movements of his lips and taking lead of the situation by biting through Dave's bottom lip.

"Ow, Terezi, watch the teeth."

"That's how trolls show affection!"

"You just did it 'cause you wanted to smell and/or taste my blood, didn't you?"

Terezi grinned before lurching forward, pushing Dave onto his back. "Just shoosh, Dave. Just shoosh."

Dave shooshed and let Terezi sniff and lick at his bloody lip.

_If this is how trolls show affection, I think I could get used to it,_ Dave thought.

Terezi resumed kissing him shortly thereafter, and they spent the rest of the day teaching each other how their species expressed flushed feelings. Any attempts at justice being served were saved for another day.


End file.
